11 November, 2003

Instead of trying to describe everything, (way too much work)... some excerpts from e-mails I've sent in the past year... click on the pictures to see big versions.

Life is good, but a bit manic depressive. I have been going out a lot, drinking, dancing etc. My romantic life is getting warmer gradually. I am getting ready to start drawing again -- I found a gallery that would like to have an exhibit if I can produce enough, so now the challenge is clear.

The weather has been great, I went surfing yesterday. It is unbelievable how much I am learning about my body from surfing. In my whole life, I have never done a sport that used my arms. They've atrophied to the point where I almost feel like tyrannosaurus rex. The first couple of weeks of surf was so painful that I could barely open a bottle of water after to drink. Then it got better, but then I got sick and had to stop for a month. Now it is almost like starting over. I ache. I also found that I wasn't eating well. It was obvious from the outside, but in the water I would just run out of energy after about 20 minutes. So for the last 3 months, I've been really eating good things, all stuff with good nutritional value, living stuff.

I also just finished recording a cd. If you want to hear a bit, you can find 3 tracks at www.andrewswift.com/track1.mp3 etc. I had no control over the music -- I was only the bass player, and the music is a bit strange. But I am really proud of the bass parts -- even the bass that sounds like a synthetiser is me on my regular bass, with some effects. The producer is shopping around right now looking for a buyer for the album. he is a guy who used to work in one of the biggest studios in France, very well connected. So there is a chance it will do something interesting.

...it is really great to live here. It isn't really possible to explain, because anything I write you will interpret with your context, which is not this context. But so many little things. The bar I like best, the barman: he is Jeff Saves. His name is spanish, but all the english make fun of him, for saves, (pronounced savvez), but like Jesus, you know. He is 35, lived in england and thailand, looks like Robert DeNiro in his prime, very funny, very alive, very smart.

We have so much fun. Just little things, like all the times we almost died laughing in Essential Work. Sunday, at the fermeture, he offered me a glass of beer, and I said only if I could stay long enough to drink it. I needed 10 minutes. So he pours the glass and halfway down says: okay 5 minutes, you can stay. I try to drink it reasonably quickly, but I am not trying to be drunk, only to amuse myself. It is like a game we have. When I finished, I put the glass (with a stem) down too hard, and it broke in half. I can't explain, of course, now, but it was so funny. Always little things like that.

You know there are so many things here that don't exist in the US. Feelings, relations, details. People here know: if I am going to drink a glass of red wine, usually it needs to be with food. And they know what kinds of food. They know: you should have 3 cheeses, some country bread. Which kinds of cheeses -- start soft, then sharper to finish. And I am not talking about old guys in berets, I am talking about young people who go out and have fun, who I don't expect to be so cultivated.

It is funny to read what I've written -- I can still write correctly in English if I need to, but if I don't think about it my style is becoming more french.

I am sick again. I think I am not eating enough. I am eating better than I ever have in my life, but maybe not enough quantity. I need to learn more about nutrition.

I am reading Tender is the Night, by F. Scott Fitzgerald. It is an amazing, beautiful book, although I am always disappointed by the ending. He was so great at observing, at capturing all the little nuances of people's actions. And, it is about Americans in Cannes, where I lived, so it has some interest for that reason.

It is too cold to surf now. I realized lately that I need a LOT of movement in my life or I start getting really sluggish. I try to take lots of walks, bike rides, run on the beach, etc. but it is not enough. Another reason I want to stop doing design.

I feel lately like I am allergic to the media. I can't watch TV. Even movies feel terrible to me. I check a couple of news websites to make sure nothing huge happens. I went to a friends house, and he made me listen to Ben Harper, very politically correct american pop music, and it drove me up the wall. It is as though my life has become so much more immediate, so much more real, that all those ideas about right and wrong, all the shoulds, feel like a swarm of bees around my head. I avoid them at all cost.

I had an amazing summer -- I made up for all the seriousness of the past 8 years, and really had a good time. I am learning to surf, lost 20 lbs., bleached my hair, went out partying every weekend, met lots of people, etc. etc. The weather was beautiful all summer -- everyone says that except for the oil from the prestige, this has been the best summer ever. It is the first time since moving when I have enough time, enough money that I can really relax.

The only negative things right now are that I get sick a lot -- I guess it is like the indians when the europeans came to North America. There are lots of germs here for which I do not have the right antibodies. I have been sick 4 times in the last six months (since I started being social), twice for two weeks. I am hoping that it will get better with time. People tell me it is normal and that next year I will be invulnerable.

...am sick in bed, catching up on all my un-replied mail... and I find your message from just under a year ago. I will be lucky if you still have the same e-mail address.

It was nice to hear from you, still is. I have been a madman for 3 years, trying to keep a core life going tranquilly while I deal with all the shit involved in moving to a country where I didn't speak the language. I am still not done moving here, but the end is near. I need to restructure my business, and I am dreading it. I do speak french, finally.

Life is good. I am single, for maybe the only time in a long time, so I am trying to make the most of it. I go out a LOT. Discos, bars, drinking, etc. I have never drunk so much in my life. But not stupidly.

People are really nice here. It is hard to explain -- I feel as though any words I would use would never communicate the reality. But it is like being among friends, all the time. People assume that you will be human, treat them like humans, etc. There is a level of respect among strangers that is really nice. Even little kids, when they walk into a small store, will say hello to everyone in the store, and goodbye when they leave.

Where I live, it is really a modern place in the sense that it is a region heavily promoted by the surf industry. So everyone is dressed fashionably, there are many foreign visitors, etc. It's nice because at the same time it's just a small town. Cosmopolitan without being crowded. This is because it is almost totally impossible to find lodgings or work here, so nobody can move here.

I am starting to do artwork again. I want to be finished with graphic design in one year. The computer makes me crazy all the time.

...my life has changed completely since the last time I was single, so it is not always clear if I am experiencing things differnetly because I am in a different place psychologically or because I am in a different place physically.

One of the best things about being here is that I can experience lots of little bits of Americana (Sinatra) in isolation. I would hate the song too if I heard it as an ad for the Yankees, but here, surrounded by French stuff, I just hear a love of America when they play it.

There are so many things that I can appreciate in the US, simply because I'm not being inundated by hype for it any more... I never thought of myself as American until I lived in France.

Here, nobody says feel better. The operative terms are "t'es tranquille?" "t'es en forme?" I can't imagine a french person presumptuous enough to say "feel better" -- it's too invasive.

It seems like the US is gradually coming back to its senses, although it is difficult to get a true picture.

The bar I hang out in always plays New York by Frank Sinatra at closing time, and all the French people sing along -- they know the words better than I do. It is one of the only times I am really happy to be an American. There are lots of american qualities I like, but I am usually not very proud of the country as a whole. When I hear that song, something clicks, though...

I read a book about the 95 elections here, and now I understand france better. The power structure is constructed of fiefdoms, each of which is integral to the functioning of the country. Any move to reduce the benefits of a fiefdom results in massive disruption, and the government ALWAYS caves in. They can't reform anything because the cost of reform is 6 months of a non-functioning economy. Maybe more, nobody has ever pushed it to the end. The government exists in a state of permanent gridlock.

Interestingly, the European Union may be one way out... the government here is trying to save the makers of the TGV train de grande vitesse, and the European Parliament is forbidding them to do it. France is already unable to meet their financial commitments to the Union, and the Parliment is prohibiting them to spend money on this failing company. The french response has nothing to do with viability, logic, or anything like that -- it is only: if that company goes out of business, x thousands of jobs will be lost. That is how they operate.

Enough ranting.

Someday I will come back to the US. I am realizing that I am losing touch with american culture. I never see american films or tv, I have no idea what's fashionable, what advertising looks like, etc.

I had an epic summer -- made up for 8 years of being serious. Learned to surf, got massively drunk went swimming naked under the stars, kissed some girls, lost 20 pounds, bleached my hair, got seriously tanned, and worked just enough that I could keep playing.

Andrew